“My Life the YoYo”
I have told many stories of my life on my Blog, from being born in Montreal, to moving to Texas about 25 years later, to marriage and prison, and getting out and starting a new life. Well a few days ago another challenge was thrust at me and I have to start over again. I will not bore you with the details nor ask or seek pity. I have always believed that the events in our life are a direct result from past events in which we ourselves put in motion. Have I total confused you now, because I think I have? Lately my mind has been racing at top speed, no time to really think of what direction I wish to go or should go.
In saying all this it is not the end of the world. I have been through a lot worse than this little hiccup. It just came as a shock and one that at my age did not see coming. Many of you if not all are going through so much more than I am. I spent 10 years in TDC, not called TDCJ from 2001-2011. Even then it was called TDCJ, but most of us including the guards still called it good old TDC. I have been writing my Blog for over 2 years now and have countless prison stories within it. I have mostly positive response from my ramblings and have been encouraged to fight the good fight.
Somewhere along the way I have strayed away from you all and my Blog. I think a big part was because I had no wish to go back down that road. I had no desire to relive my past behind bars, within a cage made of concrete and steel. I had a new life and wanted to bury that old one deep somewhere to be never uncovered. Something has uncovered in in the last few days and I have had a rush of confusion and frustration descend upon me again. I have said many time my humble little words were spoken with the most truth based on my own experiences in TDC in my 10 years.
I cannot speak for others or there time. I cannot speak of Federal time for I have never done any. I know some bits and pieces of Fed Time, but that’s about it. I do know that prison sucks, not only for the inmate but mostly for their loved ones awaiting release or at least a positive parole decision. You see us inmates do out time and are really oblivious to what’s going on outside the walls. We may write letters and make phone calls, we have visits, but a lot is lost in the way words are said or written. Some feelings are hidden to make matters better. Why make someone worry when really nothing can be done about it.
Inside I never had to worry about bills being paid or a sick child crawling in bed in the middle of the night. You all did and still do. I’m not saying we on the inside don’t worry, trust me I was ate up with guilt every day and still am. I knew many men inside that had the very same feelings. We talked about it almost daily. We talked of our part lives, dreams, and hopes. We spoke of loved ones and times we spent together. We talked of cooking and beaches, or camping and road trips. We spoke of baby’s first steps and first days at school.
See society for the most part want the average “Law abiding person” to think we are all evil with no redeeming value at all. We have wronged the world and should be punish to the upmost no matter the crime or circumstances. There was a lot of guys inside who were just caught up in the moment or wrong people for whatever reason. There are many inside who are bad people, and living with some over 10 years they would continue to be bad people upon release. A few bad apples spoil it for the rest of us.
In my eyes it is you “The Loved Ones” who suffer the most, the ones who cry oceans of tears, the ones who sleep alone remember a better time. You all get up and dress kids for school, we all get ready for work, we all pay bills and manage tonight’s supper the best you can with what you got. You are called names by family and friends for sticking with someone you love. There are times, and I’ll be honest, I don’t get it. Why you stay especially knowing they may never come home or anytime soon.
Maybe because mine didn’t and I respected her for that decision. The word hero means so much too so many. Sports players are considered hero’s for scoring the winning touchdown or hitting the winning home run. People in the military, and rightly so are heroes, EMT’s and for the most part police officers can be heroes, firefighters and so many more. But whoever says or stands up for you all? The mothers, wives, sisters, and grandmothers. I thought about this a few years ago how much you all are really the true heroes. I have said this many times before in my Blog so I hope I’m not boring some of you with this. Stay Strong, Stay your Course, you all Rock..