Wednesday, June 24, 2015

"The Magic in making Someone Smile"

           I have been told I have a "gift" with words and or writing, that I should be published, that "I would buy your book". This may sound hooky but my main goal would not be to make money, it would be to be listened too, to be thought of, to make someone think and hopefully smile. To make someone forget about past pain and the dreams of a new future. 
           I have said in other posts that words are in fact only words that aligned in a certain way give meaning. From the poorest poor to richest rich, from the highest IQ, to the lowest, we all use the same words do we not? I may write a post and have a few hundred read it, a few likes and comments, yet it will effect everyone different. For some it hits home harder than others. I crave not attention or feed off "Likes". There will always be those who like or hate my stuff.
           I am no one special and writing at times comes easy, and other times I struggle with the first sentence. I write from the heart and soul, I try to speak the truth as I saw it or see it. I speak of past experiences and loves, I speak of hope and dreams, and of regrets I have with decisions I have made that effected so many. On my Blog I have wrote of prison and my life in and out of those walls. I have touched on my childhood in Canada, and later years in Texas. 
           I have talked on my days on the run and the lack of "Hollywood" fun that leads too. The fear of every knock on the door, or headlight shining through the windows. The eyes scanning all cars around me looking for the Cherry Top. The relief of finally getting caught and the beginning of 10 long years away from family and friends, away for freedom, but as I have said in the past....of my own doing.
           Being honest it makes so much to me to make someone smile, to make someone laugh at one of my stupid lame posts or comments. Laughter and humor or without a doubt some of the strongest feelings one can give to another, especially when that person has not smile or laughed in a very long time. The ability to make someone forget, even for a moment what they are going through is indeed a gift.
           Since my release from prison I have tried to be a better person than before, but I really think I am the same person. I can be nice and I can be a butt head. I was funny before and even funnier now (lol) see. Being in prison for 10 years was very educational. I learned to live with all men and their personalities. All colors and sizes, all types of crimes and intellect. For the most part TDC (TDCJ) tries to house you with another inmate of comparable size and age.
           I was able to make a lot of the guys smile and laugh and maybe forget where they were for a few minutes. I have gotten so many 'Who cares about you or your story, your a convict". Yes true I am and will always be regardless of me being free now. I have nothing really to say to those people because I don't know there story. They or a loved one could have been a victim of crime and I do not blame them for their feelings toward me or other inmates.
         I don't even label them as haters anymore, we are all free to pick and chose our friends. I have always said "Hate me, not my loved ones" What I mean is I did the crime, not my family. Don't judge them for the actions of others. I know without asking that many of you have felt or heard the "Her man/father/brother/son" is in prison. I tend to always put things in a man in prison world, but all this applies to women in prison too of course.
          I am guilty of that as well at times with some of you. What I mean is I will ask or question "How can you love or stay with someone you may not ever see again" and in some cases have never seen once in the freeworld? I guess I don't understand that, but hell i'm just a stupid male ex-convict I'm sure a lot of you may have questioned yourself in your decisions too, making it harder when a stranger questions them too.
          I have said many many times to stay strong and stay your course what ever that course be. Also in saying that at anytime you decide to change your mind or let go you should not be faulted either. I for one would never blame you. You have the right to be "free" or lead a better life if that is what you chose or think is a better life. Stay true to yourself and that is all you can ask. Think of your children if they are involved in the decision too.
          There have been times I love to stir the pot so to speak. What I mean is not to be ugly, but make you think about what you are doing. I have lived with some of the worse human beings for those 10 years and wouldn't want to know them in the freeworld. There are some really bad people in prison that need to stay there, and there are plenty of good guys that made that one mistake that is costing them and loved ones time now.
          Some of the guys I met inside were truly sorry for their actions while others talked of crime when they got out. I always thought that there were many who felt at home in prison. The violence runs rampant in prison and for the most part it was us doing it to each other. At times I think back and feel it hard to actually realize I spent 10 years of my life locked for the most part in a 8 foot by 10 foot box. Wearing the same clothes and eating the same food for over 3600 days and nights.
          I may not be smarter now than when I walk in those gates, but I have become much wiser, and see things differently. I was at a doctor's appointment about a week ago and realized I had to open the door to my room, even slightly. Have I become claustrophobic? or was it the walls felt like home, but I needed to just be able to crack the door open. You see when I sleep in my bedroom I close my door and that doesn't bother me.
          I like to make people smile and laugh and I hope I can do that with many of you. I try not to be ugly or mean, but honestly that is who I am, i'm open and honest. At times wanting to smack people to wake them up. Well as always please comment about any of my posts or Blog. Good or bad, positive or negative. I like them always stay strong, stay your course and keep the faith as someone close to me use to say..


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