“My Life Is a Song, or so it seems”
I have been writing on and off since my release from prison in 2011. Mostly in my Blog, with the exception of some hap hazard attempts at my fiction stories. Of course I wrote 1000’s of pages and notes in prison, but really didn't dive in head first until my release. There comes a time I have the urge while other times I just don’t have the “Flow” as I call it.
I was thinking of how music has played a big part in my life, no I am not a musician or composer, yet I use lyrics and sounds to propel me into my words and sentences. I think most of us can relate to anyone one song good or bad. We say “That song was wrote for me”. It is because most of us go through similar situations in life. We/You/Me are not alone in this so called battle called life.
We seek comfort in another’s arms, or a place, or even a bottle. We hope for a different outcome, but rarely does that happen. At times the cycle of life just spins and comes back the same. Maybe we need to change the cycle, the wheel, and the events that lead to whatever the outcome usually is. For some that is very hard for they do not have the means to just get up and leave or change life styles. So we wake each morning hoping for change, a difference, a knight in shining amour.
My rescue has always been music and now writing. I have this thing that I do where I do not listen to depressing music anymore. What I mean is a song that brings back bad or sad memories. No I am not hiding from my past I just wish to not visit it anymore because it will not do any good or change anything. I listen to songs that lift my spirit and not drown it with tears.
I know for some of you that will be hard, some of you wish to remember days gone by with memories of your loved one. I’m no expert and by no means special or even know what the hell I’m talking about most of the time. I have always spoke from my heart and soul. I have never tried purposely to hurt anyone, but I do have a way of speaking my mind at time do just that.
All of us cannot change our past even through music, we can dictate out present as best we can and ultimately that will change your future. Our lives are full of daily challenges that at times seem unfair or overwhelming, but we must stay the course. If not we dig a hole deeper than before with no way out. These words are so simple for me to say and write down, but believe me I have been as low as a person can get and I have climbed out of my abyss.
I am ashamed to admit I had thought many times while on the run from the law to end my life with a simple pull of a trigger. I now know why some people do commit suicide. I was so close on a few occasions and for some reason could not. I miss my old life but know it will never come back. All the music in the world will not return me to 1999. I’m much stronger today then I was yesterday, and each day gets better.
For you mothers and fathers, wives and husbands, sons and daughters of loved ones behind bars find something to remember them, but also something that makes you smile or hopefully laugh. Try not to drown in memories that hurt as best as possible. I hope in some small way my writings of prison, my Blog on my time in prison, and my fiction stories I’m working on makes you alive again.
I hope they make you understand, make you see what your loved one sees through my eyes and pages I post. I am no one special, I’m just an ordinary guy who may process a somewhat “gift” to ramble on his keyboard and reach out and touch even one of you. As always you are Rock, you all are the true Hero’s in this story. Tonight listen to someone uplifting, listen to something that makes you smile. Stay your course and be true to your heart and soul. Thank you all for giving me a few more minutes of your lives today.