Friday, June 20, 2014

The Heart of the Matter
            The heart is a very interesting organ, ya I know that sounds dumb and empty. On average a male heart is said to weight between 11-12 ounces, and a females between 9-11. I don’t make this up, it’s all on Wikipedia and that doesn't lie right? Why the difference between the sexes? Could it be the ice in a male’s heart? I’m only joking guys. So this little muscle, for the heart is considered a muscle pumps blood throughout the body giving us life.
            Good little muscle it is, isn't it? Then why for all it does to sustain our lives does it make us feel at times that we want to die? It breaks, it cries, it damn hurts at times, yet it continues to do its little job of pumping life into us. At times it makes us melt and act silly. It makes us skip like a child when another touches it. Spicy food and it will let you know it doesn't appreciate it too much. Almost a way to say “Hey I’m still in charge here.”
            I wonder how many songs have the word “Heart” in it or talk of Heart Ache? I have wished at times that my heart would become cold and it has regarding certain things. Things that used to bother me no longer due, but some that have bothered me for years still pound deep inside my heart. Love is a sure fire way to attract the hearts attention, or is it the heart that attracts loves attention? There were times I wondered how something so small could bring a grown man to his knees. How something so small can make a man do desperate things.
            Of course this all applies to women too, but I am using myself as the guinea pig. Last night on my way home from work some very old ghosts creep into my heart, ghosts that hadn't visited me in a very long time. I wondered why this happens, what sets that off? Out of the blue it was if my heart was letting me know it was still around. I also wondered if reliving the past is a healthy way for the heart to make you forget. To kind of say “Hey see you’re still alive and kicking, and it wasn't that bad was it”
            A sort of wake up call to move on and get a life. You see in prison, although surrounded by many many people you are truly alone. To show your heart or feelings is a sign of weakness to some and an open invitation to become prey. I remember all too well sitting in a coma like state at the table with 3 other guys and not hearing the conversation around me. My heart had taken complete control and I let it. 11 to 12 ounces wow, and controlled a man of 200 pounds.
            I read somewhere that love had been responsible for about half the wars in the old world. Today all these years later my heart is much better, it pumps it’s life giving blood through my veins, and beats a little faster when I partake in too much salt or jalapeno peppers. All in all it’s a good little heart and has done its job well.
            There are many of you today whose heart aches for a loved one. That loved one can be overseas fighting for one’s country, or stuck behind concrete and steel surrounded by razor wire. Situations are drastically different yet the heart bleeds none the less. When the phone rings your heart comes alive doesn't it with the anticipation of “The Call”, “Hello baby how are you”. The mail man is spotted and the heart leaps into action. From one minute a smile to a     tear the next. The heart must love the Roller Coaster rides at an amusement parks. At night we sleep, yet the heart continues to pump away never resting, amazing little thing isn't it. In the matter of a few hours your heart will bounce around going through so many emotions on your way to a visit this weekend. It will be full and then empty. It will make you smile, as it surely will make you cry. Don’t ever give up, your heart is doing its job, but you need to do yours as well. You see the heart is really only a heart, it is you, me, and us that feed it its emotions.
            Don’t blame the heart, don’t really blame anyone. There is no magic pill that will make the emotions go away. No energy drink that will make you forget. You must be strong for others and for yourself. Don’t cheat yourself, I think most of you are good caring people who just got caught up in a situation that you had nothing to do with. But because of feelings you stay to see the end one way or the other. Do things today to remember and some to maybe even forget. You deserve a break and no one will fault you. Go to that imaginary place in your mind and drift off if possible.
            For most of you the struggles continue. Bills are paid and meals are prepared. Children are dressed and lunches made. Going to work is not an option but a necessity. Oh ya and between all this your heart aches for that loved one far away. Strange how a few miles, maybe 100’s can seem like millions. My hope is that in my simple posts I can make you maybe smile, maybe a tear, maybe a skip of the heart to reflect on your life.
            You are not alone in this battle, there are many like you and some far worse. You don’t get a break yet deserve so many. You try to hide it from others while you hurt inside. I did that for so long and still do to a degree.  I found writing as a form of therapy, I used to write to myself in prison and seal the envelope. I would wait a few days and read what I had wrote. It amazed me at how feelings changed or were strengthen in a few short days, maybe even hours.

            I would say “wow was that really me”. You see inside letters meant so much to me. To prove my point I still have every letter I received in a bag in my room, a rather large bag I may add. I would receive a letter and re-read it many times. It brought me closer to my loved one and I tasted freedom, my heart skipped. Have a good day today, one as best as possible. Keep busy and write a letter if only to yourself. See what you think and let me know. It feels good trust me.

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