Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Letting go, Turning the Page…..

                I have posted a few times about my life in prison and my thoughts of, and life. I have received nothing but positive responses by the 100’s and dozens of private messages wishing me luck and thanking me for sharing my story. I cannot express to you all how that makes me feel that I, a simple man can touch so many strangers by my words. It is truly overwhelming at times and makes me sit back and think what it truly means for me and you all.
                In saying all this tonight’s post maybe my most difficult to date and touch a certain nerve with some of you. Let me first say this is not my intent. I am not a marriage consular nor relationship guru. I have always been amazed at how some of you continue to hang on, hold on, and stay with those inside. It’s more admiration than shock. I understand a parent or siblings love for those behind bars. That love is unconditional and for the most part never goes away.
                To hang on to a son or daughter, a husband or wife, a father or mother is quite expected I would think. It is those that hang on to a husband or wife regardless of the time or amount of road to travel or steel doors that separate the two. I cannot sit here and say I understand one way or the other. I was on the inside looking out so my experience is different than most of you looking in.
                For some they have never been intimate with their loved one, yet talk of undying love. Which leads me to think intimacy is overrated? What is true love? Is it the hunger one feels when that person is at work or away, if that is the case your case is quite different for you have never been with this person except for visitations? There are those among you who have lived and loved with those behind bars and your case may be different in some way.
                Please understand what I am saying, I am not arguing in any way your love for this person or why you love this person. This post is more about those who battle daily with the thought of telling that someone inside they want or need to move on. Do we or should we fault that person for wanting to move on with their life? I for one don’t think so. It takes 2 special people to love an inmate. One who has the strength to stay, and one who may have even more strength to say goodbye.
                There are some that see a light at the end of the tunnel or the light is so distant that the hope has left that tunnel. There are those who in the years of waiting have found comfort in another and is that OK? Again for one I think it is OK to Turn the Page, Turn your Page. No one, not anyone of us has lived in the others shoes, or slept countless nights in a lonely cold bed hugging a pillow or crying oneself to sleep……again. Should this person who wants to move on be judged? Again I see myself saying no.
                Those of you who have stayed and will stay, I commend you on your courage and strength as a commend those who decided to let go on their courage and strength. Both decision are one of the most difficult you will face in your life. A decision no one should judge. No one lives with that choice but the person you see in your mirror. Is there anything wrong with feeling good again, feeling alive, laughing, smiling. To feel butterflies in your stomach when someone new calls or knocks on your door? How can that be wrong or bad?
                For those that will continue to stay with that someone behind the walls there is nothing wrong or bad with that either. Both of you will be judged by family and friends and society, and most will answer “Who Cares.” You are both right…….Who Cares. Stay strong, stay true to whatever course you have chosen and never look back. Looking back breeds doubt and doubt breeds hating oneself.

I don’t wish that to happen tonight. One last favor before I go, please try to understand the others decision and let’s not turn this into anything negative. You are all in this boat together and not each other’s enemy. Be understanding and respectful and maybe you can find common ground in this decision that you both make. You both have gone through a very difficult time, some of you continue some may not. I hope today’s post opens a few minds or eyes to the fight of the other. You are not alone in your fight……


  1. I mentioned in a conversation I had with you, that I have written to one of my very best friends, who is in prison, since 1979. He has lwop, he will never "come home"......I have held his hand, through 3 failed long term relationships. All began after he went to prison. 2 of the woman, he married. All had the best intetions, I firmly believe all 3 truly loved this man, but in the end, it wasn't the seperation that ended things as much as , for the woman, life went on, for him, time stopped in 1976 . It's not just technology, it's attitudes and values. The world has become a cold and secular place. Something, that as sad as it is,I am grateful he will never have to face.

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  3. I met my husband in 2003 in our county jail he was waiting to be sentenced and I was a CNA in medical, We've been together since then and he gets out 11/2015 I drive 7hrs for a 6hr visit and 7hrs back home every weekend and will do so until he comes home. I have lupus an 2 daughters we are both 34yrs old my friends ask why an I say " you wouldn't understand even if I tried to explain it to you" We are what keep each other strong and we dedicate music to each other every night and say music keeps us stronger!! No lie some days I feel like giving up but Our love is to strong to give up now!!!