Friday, May 2, 2014
For those who read my Blog and my ramblings should be aware that between the years of 2001 through 2011 I was guest at the finest establishments that the State of Texas had to offer, other wise known as TDCJ, or as us insiders affectionately call TDC still. So in 2001 I was 43 and should have known better but crap happens. I was guilty of my crime and never said other wise. I have always said that those 10 years spent inside have dominated the other 45 of freedom. That may sound bad to some because in those 45 years of freedom I lived a pretty full life. Growing up in Montreal, Canada one "must" play hockey or be deemed weird. I loved hockey and others say i'm still weird so much for that theory. I remember all to well the waking in the morning when daylight hadn't even broke the veil of darkness and trudging through snow on my way to my Valhalla, my Heaven....the Rink. Upon entering one smells the ice. For those who know of what I speak you know what I mean. For those who have never entered a hockey rink it is a smell you never forget, and it's a good smell. Most rinks are cold and dressing room's are sub-arctic at times. Then you walk towards the ice with anticipation of that first blade hitting frozen water (hoping of course you don't trip). I wanted you my reader to get the feel of that so I can express why 10 years in prison dominates that feeling or so many others. Like the birth of my 3 children. These great memories will never be forgotten or replaced it's just that the 10 years was a very powerful experience. The stress level is and can not be measured inside, it's constant and lasts each and everyday, all day. Even if your lucky enough to have "friends" there it is still stressful. Chow times is stressful due to that fact that the chow sucks. Commissary is so stressful due to the fact you don't always make it and some bully their way out the door or in line. The screws/cops/guards make it stressful with their childish games and rules they play with us. Not all guards are like this, as with inmates there are good ones and bad ones. In and outs are stressful because they are not always given every hour. an 8x10 cell with a bad cellie is very stressful and leads to confrontation most times. Mail call is very stressful awaiting word from a loved one with talk of hope and faith. Let me please stress I am not crying, moaning, or complaining. I am just trying to help some people see what I saw through my eyes and mind on paper. Stay strong for those inside, and mostly for you all outside. Write often for that truly was and is for those I have left behind like the blood that flows through your veins, very much needed.
Posted by Philip Smith at 10:29 AM