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Monday, January 23, 2012

We can be Hero's.

I think all along the way in the highway of life we want, we need, we desire to become someone's hero. Someone's knight in shinning armor. Sadly most of the time we tumble for what ever reason and only turn out to be something less then a hero. In prison it was so easy. By saying that I mean you knew what to expect. Violence begot violence. Niceness was taken as a sign of weakness or you wanted something. The highway had no on ramps nor exits, no caution signs. What was strange was while I waited for my release in those last few months I become an outsider. Fellow inmates didn't talk to me the same, I didn't count anymore. I wasn't one of them. I was a traitor, a sell out. I was told by some of the "old schools" that, that would happen. For the most part my fellow inmates were happy for me (on the outside), but hated me on the inside. Then the guilt started to set in that I was leaving them behind. For the most part those I left behind deserved to be left behind. I still think of my brothers almost daily. I still think of the over 3600 days and nights I spent inside. The violence, the ugliness, the racism, the sexual assaults, and then at times the friendship of another who has nothing to live for. Knowing they will never see the light of day, yet wished me well. All I wanted was to be a hero to someone. One day I hope to find him and I miss him.

4 comments:

  1. This is amazing to read. You made me feel as if I was "there" with you. The emotion is raw and pure. You are someone's hero already, to anyone who reads this and learns from it..you will be their hero. To the men inside who saw you survive and get out..you will be a hero. You Rock.

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  2. Thanks Michelle that means a lot to me. That is my goal to bring the (my) reader into my world.

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  3. Philip, don't they have their own stories to tell? Perhaps you should work with them and tell them. Just hypothetical. P.

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  4. They do and I remember quite a bit of what they want to say. I only hope I can relay the message. i'm in contact with the inside always. Thanks P

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