For those of you wondering why I haven't added any additional posts on my blog the reason is my mind returned to prison while my body stayed home. That is something you may not understand and I hate to use the "until the walk in my shoes" thing. To me that's an excuse or cop out. My life is or was no worse than most of you out there reading this post. My life was a direct result of my actions and no others. With that being said and out in the open I'll try to explain what my opening statement meant or was all about. Ever since I was released I became a yoyo. I see myself drift back behind bars, meaning mentally, and emotionally. Strange thing is after 10 years I have no idea how to deal with everyday problems out here in the "free world." We inmates refer to the outside as the free world. My mind races and I feel trapped and want to resort to what I would have done in prison. Finding the easy way out through violence. No don't worry I'm not going to go postal I have more restrain than that. In fact there in lies my battle. Prison was easy someone "messed" with you, disrespected you and it was on. You caught a square or got your paper. Prison terms for fighting or calling someone out. So simple in a barbaric world. Now things are different we are more civilized out here...right? I realize my inner battle will be a continuing one that may never end, but hopefully will get better. As Steven Tyler of Aerosmith said "I'm back in the saddle again" (for now). My journey through hell, through my abyss began over 10 years ago and as of today it is still dominating my life and to make matters worse it's dominating the life's of those I love. Again I ask you my reader to comment good or bad on anything you read on Random Thoughts. One day I hope to publish my journey for all to read. My goal is that my story may help someone understand what they are going through or stop it before it happens. I'm no expert just someone who has seen and gone through allot. What I went through in prison and how I dealt with it and still am can be applied to everyday life. You don't have to be locked up to feel trapped, to feel imprisoned. Some of us self imprison ourselves without knowing it. We put walls and shields up to protect others, but mostly ourselves. No one wishes to harm another or harm themselves. Please follow my Random Thoughts and we will both learn. I'll leave you with a favor quote
Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.